Mentoring Session: Friendship Village Mentoring Project Reflection

Acting as a mentor was highly rewarding. Although my mentoring experience was very different from that of other class members, I still feel that I gained experience in leading others from it. Due to scheduling issues which made it impossible to work with young girls, who the mentoring assignment had originally been intended for, I had to make an alternative choice. After researching a few different options, I chose Friendship Village, an assisted living facility. Far from being disappointed by the unique nature of the assignment, I was excited by the challenge of working with people older and more experienced than I am.

The issue that immediately came to mind when I first began working with the residents of Friendship Village was being heard and listened to by others. The first time I went to Friendship Village with Grandma’s House, a student run organization at Otterbein University that visits every Thursday to participate in group activities with the residents, we sat in on a Friendly Visitors Committee Meeting, where the residents discussed their concerns about visiting friends in the hospital as a part of the Friendly Visitors program. I felt that they were getting their ideas across very well in this committee meeting as a whole. Most individual members of the group made an effort to speak and express their concerns.

After the meeting, my assumption that the residents felt that they were being heard, since they were so well spoken, was quickly disproven. I spoke to one resident at length, after learning that we had interests in common and that he was interested in life at Otterbein. It didn’t take long for him to begin warning me about the challenges of life. One such challenge that he seemed concerned and angry about was the issue of not being heard by others.

As a young woman, I often feel as though my ideas are being dismissed and as though I am not being heard, so I instantly sympathized with his frustration. Along with my feelings of sympathy came curiosity. I decided to broach this topic during my presentation to the residents. I wondered if this was a common issue among the residents, as the resident who I had conversed with had suggested. After a few emails back and forth between myself, Dr. Krendl, and Melissa Gilbert, I finally decided that this would be my topic for discussion.

After introducing myself and explaining the Women in Leadership course, I expressed my own concerns about voice – venues in which it is appropriate to express oneself, messages which are important to convey, and being assertive rather than abrasive. Periodically, I would pause and invite discussion. I was pleasantly surprised when several residents offered up their stories of not being heard and suggestions for addressing this issue. As I had suspected, this was a common issue among the residents, not an isolated concern. One woman pointed at her head of white hair. “Once you look like this, no one hears you anymore!” she exclaimed. Several other residents nodded in agreement. It was a sobering conclusion, but not a surprising one.

Far from negative, however, residents were full of suggestions for being heard. A few people quoted the old adage, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar,” to enthusiastic agreement from the other residents. One resident advised me to never doubt my own ideas, even if I feel like they aren’t being heard, advice that I think of daily now and that I suspect will stay with me forever. I was also pleased to hear positive things about being heard in addition to their concerns. “We love it here,” one resident said, patting his wife’s knee as he spoke to me. “The activities are wonderful, there’s plenty to do, and our suggestions are always taken into consideration.” I was relieved to hear that many of the residents feel like they are acknowledged at Friendship Village.

At the end of the discussion, I asked what ideas they had picked up on or learned from each other’s experiences. As expected, while they hadn’t learned much new information from each other, they could easily to relate to the stories told by their peers.

While I certainly made an impact with my discussion judging by the conversation that was sparked (several residents approached one another after my presentation and discussed similar experiences that they had), there was another impact that I made that I had not anticipated. Many residents approached me after the presentation to thank me for taking the time to present. I was astounded to find that they were surprised that I wanted to hear their ideas and stories. This ties in directly with the very issue I had been addressing – voice. The residents had been convinced that no one wanted to hear them, when actually, that was exactly what I wanted.

Participating in this mentoring project reiterated certain things that I knew about myself as a leader, but also taught me a few new things. I already knew that I need to do certain things to succeed as a leader. I need to feel organized and prepared, which is why the outline was prepared and submitted to everyone involved in the project weeks in advance. As a leader, it is important to me that the group members feel connected to me and are open and honest with their ideas. In order to achieve this, I tried to be honest and expressive with the group members. I believe that this helped me to warm up to the group and introduce myself as someone approachable and relatable.

I learned that as a leader, one of my strengths is speaking to a group of people. Since I have a performance background, this is logical; however, I hadn’t previously expected it, since my experience with public speaking is so limited. After the presentation was completed, I received several compliments on my abilities as a public speaker. This makes me feel hopeful that I can continue to hone these skills and use them as an asset in the future as a leader.

Because of the age difference between me and the men and women who I presented to, my mentoring experience was unusual. I didn’t have to give them any formal advice or teach them anything, but merely listen to what they had to say, interpret it, acknowledge their feelings, and come up with ideas with them to combat the problem that we were discussing. However, by leading a discussion, I was a leader. This did give me some insight on what I want in a leader, particularly a mentor of my own.

I hope that my own mentor is open, warm, and honest. These are all traits that I believe that I possess as an individual, and that I made my best effort to expose to the residents. I think it was effective, since they were so readily willing to share with me. I hope that this is a sign that they saw me as someone who they can trust and confide in, an honor that I would value greatly. This is the relationship that I most hope for in a mentor of my own.

This project has helped me to grow as a leader, and so I am glad that I was able to participate in it. I am particularly grateful that the residents of Friendship Village were so willing to listen to what I had to say and offer up their own ideas, enriching my experience all the more. I have gained experience in public speaking, and more experience in working with other leaders and professionals, something that I value greatly. Best of all, I’ve learned more about myself as a leader, something that I had hoped to gain through this course.

Special Topic: Reflection on Leadership

Prompt: How do you lead yourself? That is, how have the speakers and readings influenced the way you are leading your life and thinking about leadership? Reflect on the influences of the speakers and readings on what you think, say, and do each day. What are some of the leadership lessons you have learned and that you are applying in your own life?

As a leader in multiple fields and someone who aspires to be a leader later in life when I begin my professional career, I am constantly striving for ways to improve my leadership skills. Listening to multiple speakers give their own perspectives on leadership, and reveal what they have learned through their own experiences has really helped me to grow as a leader. In my opinion, the most influential speakers have been the women who speak about their lives and who they are as people, not just their professional lives and careers. Their advice on work-life balance, information on the value of networking and mentoring, and most importantly, insight on being a woman in a leadership position and confronting the issues that accompany such a role, have greatly expanded my knowledge of leadership.

I try my hardest to lead in a way that is fair, compassionate, and yet also efficient and productive. I was pleased to discover that these positive leadership traits have also been emphasized by the leaders who have spoken in class. Far from being focused on business alone, many leaders who spoke in class emphasized the importance of human connections, from networking to simply relating to subordinates on a basic level and being open to discussion. Productivity, unsurprisingly, also seems to be a high priority among leaders; engagement in the work that they do and preparation to be as effective as possible were both key points, emphasized in particular by Chastity Kuttrus, an executive coach.

In addition to confirming what I already believed, the speakers have also taught me new things. For instance, prior to taking this course, I had been unaware of the importance of a mentor. As it turns out, mentoring is a key part of advancing professionally and sparks personal growth as well. This made me all the more excited to participate in the Women and Leadership Mentoring Mixer. Although I had been aware of the role of networking in a professional environment, I had never considered it to be something applicable to me, a liberal arts student pursuing degrees in Vocal Music and Creative Writing. However, after listening to several speakers reflect on this aspect of their lives, I realized that these elements are key to many different kinds of leaders. I am interested in becoming involved in nonprofit organizations, and networking and having a mentor were both suggested as ways to begin. I am excited by the possibility of being able to finally explore this opportunity.

Far from merely the bits of advice that I’ve covered in this post, I have learned and changed in many ways from the speakers who have been a part of our class. Each face sticks in my memory, with the unique stories that were shared with us. I feel so privileged to have vicariously shared in their experiences, learned their stories and understood the complex paths that they have traveled, and had the opportunity to share my questions and concerns and get valuable advice in return. With this newfound knowledge, I hope to continue to lead both personally and professionally, and be a more effective leader because of the women who have been generous enough to speak in our class.

FYE Event: Convocation with Tom Piazza

Today I got to experience something that I've been looking forward to since August...listening to Tom Piazza, the author of this year's common book, City of Refuge, speak at our college. Ever since I finished City of Refuge, I couldn't wait to hear Piazza's thoughts on writing the book and the disaster in New Orleans.

As a Creative Writing major, I was naturally curious about the writing process and the experience of writing a novel. I definitely wasn't disappointed, particularly in this aspect. Piazza told us all about his perspective as an author, why he wrote the story in the form of a novel, and about the life of a writer.

When I told him that I'm a Creative Writing major when I was getting my book signed, he laughed and said, "Oh, you poor soul! There's still time to switch!" Joking aside, I was pleased when he gave me some tidbits about the life of a writer and how to be successful as he was signing. The bit that most stuck with me was, "It takes stamina -- but keep at it!"

The experience of meeting a published writer who has survived something as horrific and life-changing as the disaster in New Orleans truly changed my perspective. One of the most gripping things that he said during his presentation was, "When you feel something pulling you, go with it. Don't ignore it." Thinking of all the things I want to do with my life, I felt so validated in feeling what I do about accomplishing things in life and pursuing the things that I am passionate about. I am so thankful to have had the experience of having him visit campus and speak.

Community Service: First Session

Last Thursday was my first session of community service for my "group" project. Since my schedule as a student pursuing a double-major is so busy, I was only left with one option: Grandma's House. (Because of this, my project will also be individual, not a group project.) I couldn't help but feel very excited to be presented with the perfect opportunity to work with assisted living residents, a group of people which I have experience working with from elementary school, middle school, and high school.

Getting to spend time with such a mature, intelligent group of people, who have experienced so much and truly have so many stories and bits of advice to share, was a privilege. Everyone at Friendship Village was so open to me coming and joining their community of friends. I met many people who have been in leadership roles before and that are in leadership roles in their community, which was fascinating as someone studying leadership.

I am so glad that I've had the opportunity to build relationships with such a kind, open group of people. I look forward to visiting Friendship Village again and continuing to develop a presence in the residents' community.

Reading Assignment: Situational Approach

Of all of the leadership theories that we have read about and discussed so far during the course, I have decided that the Situational Approach is the one that I am most interested in. I think it is highly effective in that it calls on the leader to adjust to different times of employees, rather than focusing only on how the leader should behave without taking the employees into consideration.

I believe that this is an effective way to approach leadership because it acknowledges a simple fact about working life, or arguably, life in general: there are many, many variables. Planning on every single employee being a D4 employee (highly developed, with a high degree of competence and a high degree of commitment to getting the job done) would leave many employees who need more direction and support struggling and therefore decrease the productivity.

As someone aspiring to be a leader myself, I will definitely be taking this theory into consideration. I think that it is key in having the most productive workplace possible.

Expectations and Leadership

Although I've enjoyed every panel we've had during Women in Leadership immensely, I have to admit that this week's ladies were my favorite. All of the women seemed extremely comfortable with each other and laughed through the whole thing, which made the atmosphere in the room even more comfortable.
The women on the panel tended to punctuate their speeches about their lives as leaders with pearls of wisdom that especially stuck with me.

One such helpful nugget was "Teach others to fish." At first, I was completely nonplussed by such a strange analogy. However, it made sense as soon as Jean Halpin, director of operations for Ohio Health, explained it. In other words, fishing for someone will get the job done efficiently and quickly, since you are already experienced at it. However, you will always have to go back and continue to fish for that same person, because they still don't know how. Once taught how to fish, one can fish on his or her own, saving time and effort in t

he long run. Obviously, this applies to much more than fishing. In business, it is often helpful to teach others necessary skills, so that one can spend time doing more productive work.

Much of the information presented addressed time management, a challenge for most people and especially leaders, who have so many responsibilities. One tip that I found helpful, was Ms. Halpin's advice to "Only touch it once." When I get an email about something, I sometimes skim it and move on. When I hear about an event, I don't always write it down. As a result, later, I'm scrambling to figure out the details about a certain event or group. By putting these types of events all in a planner as soon as they reach me, I can put them down and move on to different things. By only touching it once, I don't have to go back and scroll through my email, re-reading the same things, or trying to understand the requirements for an assignment a second time.

Another tip that spoke to me was the admonition to get help when it is needed. This is often a struggle for me because my personality has the unfortunate combination of independence, extreme pride, and stubbornness which makes asking for help challenging. As a result, I sometimes struggle through things and the results aren't as good as they might have been, had I reached out and gotten help. I'm working on making sure that I do get help when I need it from now on.

I have never been more impressed with a group of women than I was on Wednesday night when Tammy Myers, Susan Merryman, Jean Reynolds, and Jean Halpin presented. Far from intimidated, I left the session inspired and excited about the knowledge I had gained. I hope that the panels in the future prove to be comparable to this one.

FYE Event: Stress Management

Since today was probably the most stressful day of my college career (so far...let me just say that it's only WEEK FIVE of my freshman year), I decided that it would probably be prudent to make time to go to a stress management session that the Center for Student Success was hosting.

Carving time out of my schedule to attend was a wise choice. The session only lasted for twenty minutes at the most, and it was packed with enough tips to answer all of my questions.

The thing that stood out to me as most helpful was the portion on food. My more attentive followers will probably realize as soon as they read that sentence that my last post was on food. Admittedly, it's a big part of my life and a big struggle for me. I've read countless articles on it, had a presenter speak to our Women in Leadership seminar about nutrition, and heard the same things again and again. Eat frequently. Eat healthy foods. Watch your portions. Don't indulge in caffeine.

When will I learn? For some reason, I always unconsciously slip back into the same habits. I eat infrequently and then overeat; I grab French fries instead of vegetables; I pay no attention to portions.

The presenter for the stress management session told us that eating healthily would make us more alert, more focused, and -- the thing which grabbed my attention the most -- it can help us to get more out of our studying sessions. Though I never thought of it in that context, it makes sense. Focusing after eating a light meal certainly sounds easier than trying to focus with a grumbling belly. Studying in a food coma sounds even worse. Food really does affect our productivity.

During the session, we were advised against caffeine, overly large portions, nicotine, alcohol, and large amounts of greasy, fatty foods. As a leader -- or maybe a leader in training -- I have decideded that it's time for the food battle to end. I'm going to truly watch what I eat now. I hope that the work I do from now on reflects this. If things go my way, people will know that I'm winning the battle without even asking.

Resources for Leaders

The line that stuck out for me from our Resources for Leaders session last week is "Make time for it." Make time for community service. Make time for eating meals. Make time for exercising.

As leaders, our goal is largely to help and give to others. Sometimes because of this, it is easy for us to forget to take care of ourselves.

To me, this almost sounds like a selfish statement as I'm typing it or saying it out loud. After all, isn't my goal in life to help others? I don't make it a priority to help myself. However, as several of the presenters pointed out, taking care of oneself isn't putting aside the needs of others -- it's taking time to maximize your efficiency later.

As soon as they explained this, I realized that they were right. Images of myself staring blearily down at my anthology without a thing to say about an essay I adored, because of my mind simply not functioning due to lack of sleep, popped into my head. Had I taken a few more hours to rest, rather than going over translations of my repertoire pieces (which truly could have been put off until the next day), I'd have my talking points at the ready, and spark some potentially useful conversation, helping myself and my classmates to better understand the piece. As convoluted as it sounds, there is a great deal of truth in the simple fact that I have to take care of myself to take care of others in the way that I wish to.

By taking the time to choose foods that will keep me alert, rather than cramming foods high in both fat and convenience down my throat, I could make my waking hours that much more productive. By participating in community service, I can make a difference in a variety of places while still dedicating the bulk of my time to the causes I care most about. All in all, the best solution is balance, and taking care of oneself benefits everyone. Who knew?

Social Theater: An Experience with Melissa Gilbert

Since the students in the Women in Leadership seminar will be working with and mentoring young girls, it is only appropriate that we learn how to communicate and connect with them. This seems like a daunting task for an untrained teenage college student, but luckily, Melissa Gilbert, the head of co-curricular activities, stepped in as our first speaker in class to help us.

Ms. Gilbert trained us by using members of the class to act as students, and showing us one method of getting a concept across to a group of young people in an entertaining and visually striking way: social theater.

Ms. Gilbert almost immediately moved the class from the conference room to the more open space in the juvenile section of the library ("Make sure to use movement as a part of your presentation to keep the kids engaged," she advised as she walked us out). Once we were out there, she began her presentation of social theater.

Social theater stuck with me as a good way of teaching kids for two reasons: It's visually interesting and it's the kind of activity that children love.

As a highly visual learner, I think that it is important for children to be confronted with a strong image, as this is more likely to stick with them than merely a lecture or handout. Seeing other classmates symbolically acting as barriers to leadership and solutions breaking down these barriers presents children with something memorable. Their own participation would make the experience all the more valuable.

In high school, I was a HUDDLE Peer Leader. My role was to teach elementary school students about the risks of alcohol, drug use, and other destructive things that they were likely to encounter in life, such as bullying and peer pressure. One of my most powerful tools was scripted role-playing. One of the things that the students often told me they most enjoyed was acting in skits, and their ability to recall skits that we had done several months previously was astounding. I think that this would also be useful in our mentoring projects, since our time with the children will be limited. As a result, presenting a memorable lesson is all the more important.

Ms. Gilbert's presentation of social theater will undoubtably prove to be useful in the coming months as we prepare our lesson plans for our group projects. I am looking forward to using this new method to teach the girls we will be mentoring lessons that will be vital to them throughout life -- how to live as strong, independent female leaders.